ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
