My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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