yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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