the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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