i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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