That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
