Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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