chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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