his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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