Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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