I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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