Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize