Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
