last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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