His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize