ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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