Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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