my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
