In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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