Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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