Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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