he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
