I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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