THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
