i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
