i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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