Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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