I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
