Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he thought i was a dude.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
