I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
please don't ironically join a cult
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