I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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