Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
