mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize