Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
