We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
