I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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