so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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