I smell stomach acid.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was confusing and full of hummus
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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