PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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