but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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