I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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