Got a toothbrush?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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