Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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