clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
