Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
