So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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