It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
