The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
