I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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