so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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