I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
