if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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