took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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