spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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