I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
