My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
