I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me i tasted like america
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
