Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
