it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
