i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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