Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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