my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
