"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like eating out sand paper
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
