Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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